Pay to Pay

PAY TO PAY by Timothy De Vita

If there was one thing that I could ELIMINATE from all commercial enterprise, it would be the business of charging people to pay for things.  Could you be any greedier?  That’s like charging me fifteen dollars for a haircut, and then asking for extra to brush it off my face.  They want you to pay…JUST SO YOU CAN PAAAAYYY!!!  That’s like opening your lungs by making an incision in your back…so you can breathe.  Do we need to water our hands so we can prepare them to water the lawn?!  How exactly does this creation of such sneakiness happen?  “Hey, I’d like to pay my phone bill.”  “Name?”  “Tim De Vita.  I owe you for one month of service.”

Then the cashier interrupts, “Waaaiiit a second…you can’t just come in here and pay for things that you used!  We provided you with something!”

“I know,” I reply.  “That’s what I want to pay for.”

Alarmed, the cashier jumps in, “That’s just it!  You want to pay for service, but you don’t understand all of the work that went into this! Did you know that I brushed my teeth with two hundred and forty strokes this morning?  Did you?!  Two hundred and forty!”

Confused and perturbed, I reply, “That’s moot and unrela…”

“…and I even put on deodorant!” he interrupts.

I reply, “Yes, bu…”

“You can’t get service like this just anywhere!  He reminds as he yells.  That’s extra.”

I begin, “Well, we all put on deod…”

“Pay up!” he yells.

“Now just a minute!” I loudly interject.

“Your bodily scent has nothing related with the phone bill!” I yelled back feeling slightly relieved to get a sentence out.

Then he continued, “Do you know how long we’ve been having this conversation!”

Now he had me at wits end.  I needed to take a moment to strategize and then I began to defend my opinion again.  “To receive a service, we should pay.  You collect the money.  Why have owners decided to be more descriptive just so they can itemize new services that were already necessary, just so we can avoid debt, embarrassment, and annoyance of creditors coming to get more money that we never agreed to pay, but must.  OUR MONEY AND CREDIT IS BEING HELD HOSTAGE!!!”  I’ll tell you what, next time I’ll pay you in cash, but I begin to pay you less for every time that your service doesn’t provide a clear signal…oh wait…that’s every time, because I was misled into paying to pay without knowing that I had to.  It was unclear that I had to do this because it was unmentioned.  Deal? …Doesn’t matter!  You can judge and tag on new fees, so I can judge and tag on new discounts!  That’s fair…and your deodorant smells like a discount.”


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